Hey. How are you doing?

by Griffin O'Hara

I miss writing.

I think I’m gonna start fixing up straight razors for a little extra pocket money (disclosure: I’m a knife sharpener). Looks like a fun hobby/side-job.

I feel like I’m at the age where all my habits start to crystalize. What I do now sets me up for the future. Weird feeling, that you’re responsible for your own future. I wonder how I’ll mess mine up, and how I’ll fix it.

I feel fortunate to be alive. Which is a new feeling for me. I don’t feel like every day is a struggle against myself.

I’ve often wondered if I felt fortunate to be alive, would I be okay with dying? They don’t seem at odds, to me, and to be comfortable with death seems like it’d bring a greater appreciation of life. It’s weird how I imagine it, sometimes.

(Note that all the prior paragraphs have started with “I?”)

Like I’ll wonder what my feelings would be if I were mortally wounded. What would my dying thoughts be? I imagine terror would play no small role. But I’d like to get to the point where death didn’t terrify me. It’s as though I think of death with sunglasses on, because I’m afraid to think directly of it.

But nonetheless, I am at least beginning to feel fortunate to be alive. I want to make sure I feel fortunate to have lived a life I want to live, but I’m not sure if that’s selfish or not.

I’m starting to think about what to do after I leave DC (whenever that will be) and what kind of job I’ll have next. I’d like to work outdoors, or learn some sort of practical skill (like construction or mechanics, or farming, etc). So, if anybody has any ideas/a connection to help me out, please let me know.

I’m kind of sick.

I feel like blogging is a really selfish medium. Or maybe I just blog in a very self-centered way. We’ll see.

That being said, listen to some music: